The Clone Wars
by Arrathir
Summary: One of Calvin's duplicates returns and vows revenge. Part 7 has been added! I have FINALLY updated this story!
1. The Clone Wars part I

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Calvin and Hobbes characters, or any other products mentioned in this fanfic. They are property of the respective owners so don't sue.   
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Bonik"" and "Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
  
The Clone Wars Part I  
  
"Run Hobbes! Back to the time machine!"  
The six-year old and the tiger scrambled madly across the Mesozoic planes. An Allosaur was hot on their tails.  
"When we get back to the machine, throw him the snacks we packed. Maybe they'll distract him!" said Calvin. The Allosaur roared, a deafening sound in the humid Jurassic air.   
As the boy and the tiger dashed up the final hill, the time machine came into view. Technically, it wasn't a time machine. It really was Calvin's old transmogrifier that had been altered. The battered old cardboard box had the scars of many uses: transmogrifier, time machine, and duplicator.  
Calvin heard the pounding footsteps of the dinosaur behind them. If he remembered his dino-mag had said the Allosaur could run as fast as a bus. But since they were running uphill and had a good head start on the dinosaur, they still had a few precious minutes before he would catch up to them.  
Finally, they reached the box. The Allosaur put on a burst of speed when he saw his prey had stopped.  
"Throw the snacks!" said Calvin.   
"You can throw YOUR snacks." said Hobbes. "I might still want mine."  
"You're going to be a snack!" yelled Calvin "Get in! Get in!"  
As the Allosaur charged the box, Calvin hit the time travel button and the box rose out of reach of the mighty jaws of the dinosaur. Hobbes threw a mushy banana at the Allosaur. It wasn't the snack he wanted but at least it was a snack. The dinosaur chewed on the banana as he watched his prey escape.  
  
The box hit the ground hard and Calvin and Hobbes went flying.  
"Wow. That was close!" said Calvin "Now we have these pictures, we'll be rich!"  
Calvin patted the old box. They had been through a lot together. From the first time he built his transmogrifier to the duplicator. He remembered the duplicate fiasco. He had been punished so much for something he didn't do that it wasn't funny. He was so glad his dupes were transmogrified into worms.  
The boy and tiger went back inside and told their wild adventure to Calvin's mom who for some reason rolled her eyes.  
  
That night, Calvin slept uneasily. He was having a dream where his duplicates regained their human form and...  
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Outside, the time machine swayed in the wind. The corrugated cardboard bent under the force of the wind. At that moment...  
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...attacked his house, tied him up and put him under the transmogrifier. He begged to be let out but they laughed and...  
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...a worm popped its head out of the ground beside the box. A strong gust of wind blew the box over onto the worm. Then...  
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...told him: "Did you show pity when you turned us into worms? No!" They all laughed evilly and pushed the button on the box. Calvin felt the box shake...  
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...the dial on the transmogrifier side of the box spun to "Boy". A twig snapped off a tree and few straight into the button. The box began to shake...  
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...and hum. A brilliant flash. And he felt himself transforming. But into what? When the box was removed, Calvin looked at himself he was a, a...  
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...and hum. A brilliant flash. Then a muffled voice. "I'm human again!" A duplicate crawled out from under the box.  
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...a chicken! "They transmogrified me into a chicken!" thought Calvin. He watched helplessly as Hobbes was dragged into the box and turned into a...  
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"I'm back!" said the duplicate. A little too loud. The light in Calvin's parent's bedroom came on and Calvin's dad came to the window. "CALVIN!"...  
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Calvin awoke from his dream by his dad shouting his name. He got out of bed, looked out the window and saw...one of his duplicates running into the woods. Calvin climbed out his window and was about to dash after his duplicate when his dad came around the corner and grabbed him.  
"Alright young man. You have ten seconds to get back inside!"  
As Calvin got back to bed, he wondered "How did one of my duplicates get back into human form?"  
  
The duplicate ran far into the woods. Then he stopped and thought: "What an idiot I was! I should have duplicated myself or grabbed the machine at least! Calvin will pay for what he did. I don't know how but he will pay!"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. The Clone Wars Part II

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Calvin and Hobbes characters, or any other products mentioned in this fanfic. They are property of the respective owners so don't sue.   
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Bonik"" and "Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
Again, I apologize for the fact that I forgot the duplicates liked being worms. Let's pretend (we all have an imagination, right?) that this duplicate didn't like being a worm anymore. O.K.?  
  
The Clone Wars Part II  
  
Calvin walked home from school the next day. He was exhausted. He had been sent to the principal's office for one puny little joke he'd played on Suzie. He recalled it as he walked.  
  
(Wavy flashback effect)  
It was lunchtime. Calvin spotted Suzie Derkins waiting in line for he caf meal.   
"Mystery Meat." Calvin read off the menu board, "Sounds weird."  
As Suzie sat down, Calvin sidled up to her.  
"Hey Suzie," he said, "that looks um, good."   
"Go away Calvin!" said Suzie. "I don't want to barf after you say some gross thing."  
"No, I won't. Mystery Meat's my favourite." said Calvin. "Hey," he continued, "even wonder where Mystery Meat comes from?"  
Suzie knew what was coming, but, in spite of herself she said: "No. Where does Mystery Meat come from?"  
"Even wonder where all the road kill on highways goes?" said Calvin.  
Suzie took one look at her plate. It did look like squashed up meat. She felt a wave of nausea and ran out the caf to the girl's washroom.  
Calvin finished school that day in the principal's office.  
(wavy flash forward effect)  
  
Ah, yes. Suzie was the perfect target for Calvin's jokes. As he came up to his house, he tensed. This was the part when Hobbes would jump out at him as soon as he set foot in the door. Calvin s-l-o-w-l-y opened the door and yelled: "I'M HO-OOOME!" Then he braced himself for impact. Nothing.  
He walked into the door and shut it. Hobbes was on the other side, smashed into the wall anime style. He fell forwards, leaving an imprint of his body in the plaster.  
"So," said Calvin "stood a little too close to the door, eh?"  
"Why can't you open the door more slowly?" muttered Hobbes.  
  
Calvin went upstairs, changed out of his school clothes (not that there's much of a difference between those and his regular clothes. He always wears the same thing!), and ran outside to meet Hobbes. Hobbes wasn't outside.  
"HO-O-BBES!" called Calvin.  
Just then, a water balloon splashed down beside him. Taped to it was a note. He read it.  
  
"Calvin,  
  
You know who this is. I have the Tiger. Bring the duplicator WITH the ethicator to the forest by 6PM or you'll never see "Hobs" again. Do not call the police. You can't find me, you can't catch me.  
  
Signed: Duplicate #5"  
  
"Great!" said Calvin. "He wants the duplicator. Why? Well, I can modify it so it won't work the joke'll be on him!" Calvin set to work.  
  
That evening, he put the box by the woods, like the note instructed, and went home.  
  
The duplicate wandered out of the woods far enough to see Calvin's house. He saw the boy carrying the duplicator near the woods.  
"Good, he's following my instructions." thought #5. As soon as Calvin left the yard, the duplicate ran forward and dragged the box deep into the woods.  
When he arrived at him makeshift shelter, he looked at Hobbes who was devouring tuna fish.   
"That tiger is soooooo stupid! He'd sell his parents for tuna fish." though #5. "O.K. tigre. I'm outta fish so you can go home now."  
"What?" said Hobbes. "You told me I could have all I wanted!  
"I lied." grinned the duplicate.  
Hobbes jumped on the duplicate and swung him round and round  
"AAAAAAaaaAAAAAaaaAAAAAaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaAAAAaaa IiiiiaMMMMgggOOIiiNNNggggTTooooBBaaRRfff!" wailed the duplicate.   
Hobbes let the duplicate fly.  
"Wow." said Hobbes "I guess the is a career to be made as a human discus after all!"  
With that he ran back home.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. The Clone Wars Part III

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Calvin and Hobbes characters, or any other products mentioned in this fanfic. They are property of the respective owners so don't sue.   
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Boink"" and "Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
Again, I apologize for the fact that I forgot the duplicates liked being worms. Let's pretend (we all have an imagination, right?) that this duplicate didn't like being a worm anymore. O.K.?  
  
The Clone Wars Part III  
  
Calvin was a nervous wreck. This was worse than the time he'd lost Hobbes when a dog had grabbed him. It was worse then the time he'd forgotten Hobbes because his parents were late for a funeral and when he'd gotten home, he saw the house had been broken into and he'd though Hobbes was stolen. All those times were bad but THIS one topped them all. He had to eat the gross food his mom had made for dinner.  
He wasn't worried about Hobbes, (Although, he was worried the tiger wouldn't find his way home. "That dumb tiger couldn't find his way out of an empty room!" -Yukon Ho!) He hoped that Hobbes would be home soon.  
  
Hobbes ran though the woods. What an idiot he'd been. "I guess Calvin was right when he told his dad that a Tiger would do anything for a tuna fish sandwich." Hobbes though as he ran. The duplicate had lured him away from Calvin's house with (big surprise) a tuna fish sandwich. He'd promised him more if he stayed hidden in the woods. Finally, he saw Calvin's house in the distance. Suddenly, he heard a sound coming from his right. He froze, and saw it was Calvin's dad. He immediately reverted to his plush toy appearance. (You may have your own opinions about whether Hobbes is a real tiger or a figment of Calvin's imagination).  
Calvin's dad walked up the road. He'd been in a bad bike accident and he was all bruised and cut up. He saw Hobbes by the side of the road. "So there he is!" said Calvin's dad "Well, won't Calvin be happy to see you!" He picked up the tiger and brought him inside.  
  
"This is bad," said Calvin when he and Hobbes were left alone in his room, "what would the duplicate do with the duplicator?"  
"Maybe," said Hobbes "he wants to go back in time so he can stop you from transmogrifying them into worms."  
"Yes, but I made a few slight "modifications" to the box so if he tries to use it, it'll turn him back into a worm." said Calvin.  
  
The duplicate came to in the woods.  
"Damn tiger!" he said, "He'll be the first to go."  
The duplicate (O.K. from now on, I'll call him #5) got up and walked over to the box. Right away, he noticed something was wrong.  
"That idiot!" he chuckled "he thinks he can trick me by modifying the box. Doesn't he know that since I'm his duplicate I have all of his knowledge, memories, DNA, cell structure, likes and dislikes and um, err...where was I? Lost my train of thought. Well, anyways, I can fix the box. With bits if twig and leaves, #5 managed to fix the duplicator. He set the Ethicator dial to "Evil" and stepped into the box. Nothing happened.  
"Oops! I have no one to push the button."  
So he set up a button inside the box, went in a pushed it.  
A loud "Grissghgijnlkmbopdjerftlifnghduhbiong!" sound.  
"I guess scientific progress evolved from "Boink"" he mused as he felt a duplicate being created.  
  
That night, Calvin's dad walked up the stairs to Calvin's room for Calvin's bedtime story.  
"I just hope it's not that infernal "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie" book again." he mumbled as he opened Calvin's bedroom door.  
The six-year old was sitting on his bed, obviously awaiting his dad's arrival.  
"What story do you want me to read you tonight?" Calvin's dad asked, "We can read anything except..."  
"Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie"! Calvin cut him off.  
"NO! NO Hamster Huey tonight! We've read that book a million times!" his dad screamed.  
"I Want Hamster Huey!" yelled Calvin.  
"Look, you KNOW how the story goes!" his dad explained, "You've memorized the entire thing! It's the same story every day!"  
"I WANT HAMSTER HUEY!" yelled Calvin.  
"OK! OK!" said his dad "Hamster Huey it is!"  
With that, his dad picked up the hated book and began to read:  
  
"Hamster Huey was a happy little hamster who lived in a small town called Dumpletown. Everyone in town loved the hamster.  
One day, Hamster Huey was walking in the woods when he found a big apple in the middle of the path.   
"Oh, boy!" said Huey "A big red apple just for me." and he did his hamster hop. (Here Calvin's dad got down on all fours and lifted his arms off the ground so he looked like a hamster standing on its hind legs and he hopped up and down)   
Huey ate the apple and then he saw there was another one down the road. "Oh, boy!" said Huey "A big red apple just for me." and he did his hamster hop. (Calvin's dad does the hamster hop)  
Huey ate the apple and then he saw there was another one down the road. So he ran back to the village and told everyone he was going to collect apples in the forest.  
That evening, the townsfolk saw that Huey hadn't returned so they formed a search party and went into the forest looking for him.  
After many hours of following the trail of footprints and hamster hops (Calvin's dad does the hamster hop), the townsfolk found Huey's basket with ten red apples in it, but no Huey.   
They spread out and suddenly one of them yelled out. All the others cam running and the found Huey's body in a pool of blood. His head had been ripped off in a savage manner. He had been disembowelled and his guts were strewn about the bushes. The townsfolk gathered the body of the poor hamster and brought him back into town.   
Days later, they went back into the woods to try and find Huey's head. But they never found it. The End!"   
  
Calvin's dad closed the book and kissed Calvin goodnight.  
"Wow," said Calvin after his dad was gone "the story was sure different THAT time."  
"Do you think the townsfolk will ever find Hamster Huey's head?" asked Hobbes.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Poll: Do YOU think the townsfolk will ever find Hamster Huey's head? 


	4. The Clone Wars Part IV

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes or any other products mentioned in this fanfic.  
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Boink" " and "Attack of the Deranged Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
  
The Clone Wars Part IV  
  
Calvin was restless. He had a bad feeling about his duplicate. If he knew himself as well as he thought he did, his duplicate was up to something.  
"And if he does something wrong, mom'll blame me like when I first made my duplicator." Calvin mused.  
  
He got out of bed and went to the window. Outside, he could see his back yard, the woods behind his house and...was something crawling out of the   
  
woods?  
  
"Hobbes wake up!" said Calvin.  
The tiger stretched and asked, "Hum, what?"  
"There's something in the yard!" whispered Calvin.  
  
The two looked out the window and saw nine shapes, robed in black. They stood before his window, swaying. A whisper came up from them.  
"Cooome ouuuuuut...coooome ouuuut!"  
"Go away!" yelled Calvin.  
"Come out!" said the nine "To Mordor we bring you! We are the Nine, the Nazgul, the servants of Sauron, the Ringwraiths!"  
  
Link_101: Um guys, wrong story! You're in the "Lord of the Rings Bloopers" I'll be making soon.  
  
Ringwraiths: Oops. Sorry about that. It's just the little one looks like a Hobbit.  
  
Link_101: Sorry about that folks. The people responsible for the inconvenience in the story have been sacked.  
  
Calvin and Hobbes looked out the window and saw little shapes running around in the dark. The shapes were dressed in black pants and red-and-white   
  
striped t-shirts. They seemed to be carrying small parcels.  
  
"Hobbes," said Calvin "those look like my duplicates!"  
"Maybe they are." said Hobbes.  
"But I broke the duplicator!" wailed Calvin "How could he have...wait a minute! If he's my duplicate, he has all my knowledge which means he knows   
  
all about the duplicator!"  
"Look!" Hobbes pointed out the window. "They're assembling!"  
  
The duplicates had grouped together in front of Calvin's window. One stood ahead of the others and Calvin guessed he was Duplicate #5. #5 gave a   
  
nod and all the duplicates (there were about 20 in all), pulled balloons from their bags.  
"On my command!" said #5 "FIRE!"  
  
The duplicates began hurling balloons at the house. Calvin had the lucky reflex of closing the window before the first balloon hit. Lucky for him.   
  
These were no water-filled balloons. These were paint-filled balloons. The first balloon hit, leaving a splash of bright yellow paint on the window.   
  
More came and soon, Calvin's window was so full of blue, orange, red, and green splotches that he and Hobbes could not see what was going on   
  
outside.   
  
"We've got to stop them Hobbes!" yelled Calvin. "My parents'll kill me!"  
As Calvin began climbing out of bed he stopped.  
"What's wrong?" asked Hobbes.  
"Did we check for monsters under my bed last night?" asked Calvin.  
"Yes. There weren't any." said Hobbes.  
"Better check again" said Calvin.  
  
He leaned over the side of the bed and asked: "Are there any monsters under my bed?"  
"Ten" said a voice from under the bed.  
"Great." moaned Calvin "With ten monsters under my bed we'll never get outside alive!"  
"Do you have anything that could help us cross the room?" asked Hobbes.  
"No, wait, yes! My transmogrifier gun! We'll transmogrify ourselves into birds and fly across the room."  
"Remember how you got stuck as an owl last time we used that thing?" said Hobbes.  
"Well, that was because we over-heated the gun by using it too much. Two uses won't over-heat it."  
  
Calvin got the gun from his bedside drawers and tuned Hobbes into a bat ("To fly through darkness" he explained to Hobbes), and himself into an   
  
owl.  
  
When they got outside, all the duplicates had gone and the house was a mess with paint all over it. Just then, the front door opened and Calvin's   
  
dad walked out.  
  
"Uh-oh." said Calvin "Trouble."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	5. The Clone Wars Part V

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes or any other products mentioned in this fanfic.  
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Boink" " and "Attack of the Deranged Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
  
The Clone Wars Part V  
  
"CALVIN!" Calvin's dad yelled "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE HOUSE?"  
  
"I wasn't me!" said Calvin. Of course, this was useless, since his explanations wouldn't be heard by his parents as his dad dragged him into the   
  
house and put him to bed  
  
The next morning, Calvin's alarm rang and Calvin just rolled over in bed. ten minutes later, right on cue, his mom burst in his room yelling (as   
usual): "CALVIN! GET UP! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!"   
She grabbed Calvin and took off his PJ's, pulled his eternal black pants and striped T-shirt. Then she dragged him down to the kitchen and   
force-fed him his bowl of Chocolate-Frosted Sugar Bombs (chewy on the outside, crunchy on the inside. Or is that the other way 'round?). As she   
shoved in the last spoonful, the bus pulled up to the curb where Suzie was waiting.  
  
By now, Calvin was awake enough to understand this wasn't a Saturday. He grabbed the doorframe and hung on with all his might. For extra bracing,   
he placed his feet against the door hinges. Calvin's mom, realizing Calvin was resisting her tugging, tried to push him out from behind. Calvin   
knew he mustn't let go. If he did, it meant another day from paying rapt attention to Ms. Wormwood, a whole day of fearing Moe was waiting for him   
in the halls, and an entire day of waiting for the bell.   
  
Seeing her pushing was ineffective, Calvin's mom started tickling Calvin. Calvin tried to stay calm but was soon overcome by laughter and his grip   
weakened. seizing the moment, his mom pushed him out the door. As soon as Calvin hit the ground, he took off.  
  
"We join our hero, the daring Spaceman Spiff as he is pursued by a Zoron guard trying to force him to board the shuttle headed for the labour   
camps." Calvin thought as he raced along, his mom hot on his tail. Racing around the house, Calvin managed to distance his mom enough for her to   
be out of sight. He ran for the tree house. "Spiff spots an guard tower, from there he can repel the guard while staying safe."   
  
As Calvin ran for the rope ladder, it was pulled up. The head of the French knight from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" popped up from the fort.  
"'Allo, daffy American kniggets and Monsieur Calvin-Spiff, who has the brain of a duck, you know!" said the Frenchman.  
  
Link_101: Wrong story Frenchman.  
  
Frenchman: "I 'ope you're 'appy you silly Amerikaners. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"  
  
Link_101: Yeah, whatever, get out of here.  
  
As Calvin ran for the rope ladder, it was pulled up. Hobbes' head popped up from the fort.  
  
"Who goes there?" he asked.  
  
"It's me!" said Calvin "Let down the ladder! Mom's gonna make me go to school!"  
  
"What's the password?" asked Hobbes.  
  
"Hurry! Now's not the time for this" wailed Calvin.  
  
"Just recite the 35th verse and I'll let you up" said Hobbes.  
  
"There is no 35th verse!" said Calvin.  
  
"Make it up." said Hobbes  
  
  
"Tigers are fierce,  
Tigers are brave,  
Meeting a tiger is a sure path to your gave.  
Don't mess with them,   
That'd be really dumb,  
A tiger is a reliable source of fun."  
  
"You didn't do the dance." said Hobbes.  
  
"GOTCHA!" said Calvin's mom as she grabbed his shirt and dragged him to the car.  
  
  
Meanwhile in the forest #5 talked to his duplicate army:  
  
"You did well duplicates. Now Calvin's parents will be so mad at him that they'll blame him for everything we'll do. Our next major offensive will   
occur at 1400 hours when the target is in the tree house with the striped cat. Dismissed!"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	6. The Clone Wars Part VI

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes or any other products mentioned in this fanfic.  
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Boink" " and "Attack of the Deranged Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
  
The Clone Wars Part VI  
  
Calvin had a pretty usual day (for Calvin that is) at school. He grossed Suzie out at lunch when he told her his bologna sandwich was made with cross-sections of Daschenund, he failed his math test (one of his answers for 4-2 was "We live in a free country therefore, I feel responding to this question would be a violation of my rights.", and when he got home, Hobbes game him his usual 3,000 mp/h greeting at the front door.   
  
After disentangling himself from Hobbes, Calvin asked him, "So, did you see my duplicates today?"  
"No." said Hobbes "But your mom was yelling something about missing balloons."  
"Hummm...Balloons...", said Calvin "I know! My duplicates must be waging a war against me! Hobbes! We've got to defend ourselves!"  
"How?" asked Hobbes.  
"We can stock the tree house with water balloons so when they come we can soak 'em. We can also keep water pistols up there."  
"Wait!" said Hobbes " Since we're going to the tree house, how 'bout we have a G.R.O.S.S. meeting?"  
"Good idea!" said Calvin.  
The two set off, unknowing of the approaching danger.  
  
Location--Duplicates HQ  
T-30 minutes until Operation Water Balloons  
  
Calvin and Hobbes arrived at the tree fort and donned their G.R.O.S.S. chapeaus.  
"Oyez, oyez!" said Calvin "This meeting of Get Rid Of Slimy girlS is now in order. Dictator-for-life Calvin presiding. All bow and worship the mighty Calvin!"  
"Triple cheer for Tiger Number One, Hobbes! May his wills become truth and his might respected." said Hobbes.  
"Now it's time for a report from military intelligence expert Calvin." said Calvin.  
Calvin pretended to enter the tree house and saluted Hobbes smartly.  
"Greeting Mr. President, Sir!" said Calvin.  
"Greetings Mr. Calvin. At ease" said Hobbes saluting back "Report!"  
"We are to believe that a rogue group of duplicates is heading towards the tree fort." said Calvin "Reports indicate they are armed with water balloons."   
  
Location--Duplicates HQ  
T-15 minutes until Operation Water Balloons  
Duplicates donned their camouflage leaf helmets and shields.  
  
"Any ideas on a possible defence system Mr. Calvin?" asked Hobbes.  
"I recommend we call a military conference to decide how to counter the threat." said Calvin.  
"I will call all military personnel at once." said Hobbes  
"This military conference is now under way. For General-in-command Calvin...AttenSHUN!." said Calvin pretending to enter the tree fort.  
"Munitions expert Hobbes present SIR!" said Hobbes.  
"Military intelligence expert Calvin present SIR!" said Calvin.  
"At ease men." said Calvin "Right, now we all know why we're here. Now we need a defence plan fast! Any suggestions? Yes, Military intelligence expert?"  
"I believe that if we stock the base with dihydrogen monoxide bombs and keep a steady supply of water guns on hand we should be able to hold the siege." said Calvin.  
"But we don't have enough munitions on hand, sir!" said Hobbes "The enemy has captured most of our ammo."   
  
Location--Duplicates HQ  
T-5 minutes until Operation Water Balloons  
Duplicates grabbed water balloons and stood by for a speech by #5.  
"Men!" boomed #5 from the top of his tree "You are going out on a dangerous mission. The enemy is aware of our activity because our raiding party was spotted. You must act fast. You are to attack point X (Tree fort), capture the Stripe (Hobbes) and the C-Man (Calvin), and bring them back to base."  
  
"That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard!" said military intelligence expert Calvin.  
"Well I don't think your idea was too bright either!" said Hobbes  
"Don't speak that way to a superior!" roared Calvin.  
"You're asking for it, buddy." said Hobbes.  
The tiger and the boy stood glaring at each other.  
They never knew who threw the first punch but soon they were rolling around, hitting, biting, clawing, and yelling at each other.  
Insults like: "Flea bag!", "Yoghurt Brain!", and "Stink-O" were exchanged. Suddenly, a big red water balloon hit them square on.   
  
Location--Point X  
Operation Water Balloons commenced  
The duplicates stayed hidden behind trees until the first balloon was launched. Then they fired balloon after balloon at the fort.  
  
Calvin looked over the edge of the fort. There were a few dozen of his duplicates firing ware balloons at the fort!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
Ohh, dontcha just HATE cliffhangers? 


	7. The Clone Wars Part VII

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes or any other products mentioned in this fanfic.  
  
This story takes place during "Scientific Progress goes "Boink" " and "Attack of the Deranged Killer Monster Snow Goons".  
  
After reviewing my reviews and much debating, I have decided that the townsfolk will NEVER FIND HAMSTER HUEY'S HEAD! BWAHAHAHA...cough, er, on to the story!  
  
The Clone Wars Part VII  
  
"What are we gonna do Hobbes?" yelled Calvin as they ducked from the incoming barrage of water balloons.  
"I dunnknow." said Hobbes "Jack off?"  
"PG! PG! This story is PG!" yelled Calvin.  
"Oh, sorry" said Hobbes.  
  
The balloon barrage was increasing now. Some duplicates were even venturing up to the trunk of the tree and attempting to climb it.  
  
"Oh man!" said Calvin "Desperate times call for desperate measures!"  
He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small picture of Suzie Derkins.  
"Hey dupes!" he yelled, "Get a load of this!"   
He threw the picture over the edge of the tree fort.  
Cries of "AHHH! A GIRL!" and "RUN AWAY!" were heard. When Calvin looked over the edge of the fort, all the duplicates were running away.  
  
Within a few minutes, all the duplicated were gone.  
  
"Wow", said Hobbes, "where'd you get a picture of Suzie?"  
"I beat up Tommy Chestnut for it a few days ago." said Calvin, "You never know when a girl's picture may come in handy."  
  
Meanwhile at the duplicate HQ--  
  
"MEN," #5 boomed from his throne.  
"Um, s'cuze me sir," said a duplicate, "unless you're stupid or something, you'd notice we're all six!"  
"OK, OK, GUYS!" #5 said, "The enemy used a cunning weapon to vanquish us. We must form a new strategy!"  
  
Back at the tree fort, Calvin and Hobbes were discussing the attack.  
  
"We need to get rid of them!" said Calvin, "or else, I'll get blamed in they do anything bad!"  
"What we need," said Hobbes, "is to challenge their leader to a test of wits. If he wins, we're in deep trouble. If he looses, he has to go back to being a worm along with all the other   
  
Duplicates"  
"Yeah, but I'm no good at wits." said Calvin, "Unless..."  
They both looked at each other.  
"CALVINBALL!" the exclaimed in unison.  
"We'll challenge him to a match of Calvinball!" said Hobbes.  
"This is perfect!" said Calvin, "My parents are going out this afternoon. We can have it then!"  
Calvin grabbed his bow and dictated a note to Hobbes who wrote it note on a sheet of paper:  
  
"To the leader of the duplicates:  
  
We, of the G.R.O.S.S. tree fort feel that to avoid further disputes, we should settle our differences like gentlemen. Therefore, I, Calvin, Dictator-for-Life of the Get   
Rid Of Slimy girlS club, challenge you to a match of the most sacred game of Calvinball.  
Should you accept my challenge, meet at the tree fort at 1300 hours. If you should win, I, as well as President and First Tiger Hobbes will disband and leave you and your army victorious. If I should win, you and you army must go back to being worms.  
Sincerely,  
  
Calvin, Dictator-For-Life of the G.R.O.S.S. club"  
  
Calvin read the note over and gave it to Hobbes who put his "Official Notary Seal of the 3rd order of the Tigers" on the bottom. Calvin took the note and tied it to an arrow. He shot the   
  
arrow towards the forest.  
  
A few hours later, Calvin and Hobbes were anxiously waiting at the base of the tree fort. they had everything ready for Calvinball. Hobbes had given some of his best tips to Calvin. All   
  
they needed was #5. At exactly 1 'o'clock, he came out of the woods.  
  
"I accept your pitiful challenge!" He yelled.  
"Good, " said Calvin, "let's go."  
  
Calvin gave a mask to the duplicate who put it on. Calvin put his mask on as well.  
  
The story now switches to Hobbes' POV who plays the announcer.  
  
"And they have sung the Calvinball anthem, the ball is up, and the game is on! It's Calvin straight into the wickets with #5 coming right on. #5 grabs the Calvinball and throws it up.   
  
He's calling a Ball Zone! Wherever the ball lands, nobody can go but him! And the ball is down, right in front of Calvin's 73rd base! Calvin has to go and touch all of his other bases to   
  
free the 73rd again. There he goes! The duplicate grabs Calvin's flag and he's going through the sprinkler. Wait! Calvin's called a frictionless on his flag. The duplicate cannot hold on   
  
to the flag, it's too slippery. Calvin has finished touching all his bases and he grabs the duplicate's flag. The duplicate grabs the croquet mallet and jumps over the wicket to catch   
  
Calvin. He calls a "no-flag zone" on Calvin but Calvin touched the opposite pole a second before, the "no-flag zone" cancels out!"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Sorry I haven't updated in a long time but what with school and my life, I haven't had much time for fanfics. If anyone has ideas for the Calvinball game, I could use 'em! 


End file.
